These are some quotes I’ve heard over the years that stuck with me:
“You are the saltiest pretzel in the bag of my life”
—Internet
“Once you go black, the cops will attack”
—Lisa Lampanelli
“I’ve been standing here watching prostitutes buy pantyhose!”
—Bobby from King of the Hill
-”See, the problem is, it’s supposed to sound like ‘DA-DAA-DA-DE-DE-DUM’, but y’all playing it like y’all gay ‘DA-DA-I-AM-A-PUNK’”
-”That’s my people! If y’all were white, you would’ve shut up 15 minutes ago!”
-”He did a complete 270. Not a 360, because he’d be right back where he started!”
-”Take the swine otta that sound.”
-”ROLL!”
-”I’m on my period.”
-”HEY DARKIE, YOU THINK YOU CAN KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT?!?!”
-”Somebody gonna tell me `Oh Mr. Harley, can I go to the bathroom, I’m on my period.` And I’ll say I know you bleeding….I can smell it.”
-”You know you on my hitlist, son?”
-”Take it back to the diamond!”
-”You ever see someone smile and they so ugly you pee on yourself ?”
-Harley: “We all know how to count 6/8 yesno?”
Band: Yes, sir.
Harley: “A quarter note receives 7 counts yesno?”
Band: “Yes….sir?”
*Harley smile*
—Mr. Harley
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Conway Twitty”
—Peter from Family Guy
O.J. Simpson: “Are you Peter Griffin?”
Peter Griffin: “That’s my name, don’t put a knife in it.”
Peter: “Brian, there’s a message in my cereal. It says ‘Oooooooo’”
Brian: “Peter, those are Cheerios.”
“And boom goes the dynamite.”
—Cleveland from Family Guy
-”2 halves can’t make a whole without a hole.”
-”Giggity”
—Quagmire
“Umm is NOT an answer!”
—Judge Judy
“Your teeth are so big you could feed a family of 4 with the food left on your dental floss.”
—DSi Commercial
“You ARE/ARE NOT the father!”
—Maury
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt”
—Abraham Lincoln
“Her boobs were hangin so low i wanted to fire her bra for slackin on the job.”
—Josh
-”Iight”
-”I’m boutta rip it.”
—Shahim
-”Black folks been doin’ that for years.”
—My Mom
“Some people are just a waste of a good nut.”
—JB
“I feel prostituted.”
—Dr. Andrews
“Put the shut to the up.”
—Madea
“Obama put us 10 steps forward and BET sets us 12 steps back!”
—Cedric
“The friction of your fingers in combination with the ashiness of your skin can cause spontaneous combustion.”
—Peabo from Proud Family
“It’s impossible”
—Jayda
“Don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”
—Jeff Fecke
“REPEAT THE COMMAND!”
—Monika
“When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.”
—Oscar Wilde
“You can’t fix stupid”
—Ron White
“I nearly choked on your hot cinnamon smell.”
—Brittany
Rallo: “How do you sleep at night?”
Cleveland: “Butt naked next to yo momma!”
“An amateur practices until he gets it right. A professional practices until he can’t get it wrong.”
—Mr. Fadoul
